I had a brilliant idea today. It came from this strange notion I have. This niggling dictionary-definition obsession with the word equality. Equality is used a lot in today’s society. Racial equality, social equality, equal rights for gays and lesbians. There are a lot of great groups out there pushing to have the same rights as everyone else. To be seen as just another person and to be treated with the same level of respect that others take for granted.
But there is one particular group that seems to have forgotten their own noble intentions and/or initiated a campaign to piss me off.
Not all of them, but a significant enough minority within the group, have started to really piss me off. Not that pissing me off is a hard thing to do, but pissing me off to the point where I decide to post about it online – now that is a worthy feat!
The word equality is described in an online dictionary as the state of being equal; correspondence in quantity, degree, value, rank, or ability.
This means that equality is someone being considered of the same value as someone else. So if we are all equal, then no person is less. All people are given the benefit of the doubt and considered good until they – themselves – do something to indicate otherwise. Isn't it just a great idea? I think so. I just love the idea that everyone in today's society is accepted and respected like a human being. On paper anyway, we seem to still be having a little trouble with the idea of not being better than someone.
But I have heard over the last little while, a lot of young girls around my age (which is early twenties for those playing a home) whining and complaining about how horrible men and boys are. They think that just because after some bad breakup they went out in clothing that wouldn't provide modesty to the peaceful pigmy people of...wherever; and attracted the attention of men then made the concious decision to go home with the aforementioned men (could be anywhere from one to twelve in number – some of these types of people aren't particularly choosy) for the purpose of sex, it is somehow the fault of the entire male gender if that guy (or those guys in the case of larger groups) never calls them again.
Cry me a fucking river. Just because some guy leaves his mess in your pants, doesn't make it my fault. I have given this a lot of thought and I have decided that maybe, just maybe – you shouldn't have gone out trawling for pork sausage in the first place if you didn't want no strings attached sex. Turns out that's why we have these clubs – so that people can get laid and never call each other again.
I decided that the next time some orange and yellow alien wrapped in a dress six sizes too small for her makes a comment that I find offensive or derogatory, I'm going to rip that fake tan right off her skin with an industrial strength vacuum cleaner. First offence and you go feet first through a fucking wood-chipper.
Equality is a two way street. I wouldn't expect to get away with comparing women to portable sperm banks so why should I have to put up with anything less than pleasant comments about my sex. Jokes are still fine by me of course. Always are and always have been.
But a lot of people no longer even have a sense of humour when it comes to sexism towards women; they think it's okay to deem the entire male sex as a bunch of pigs who do nothing but use women for sex but it's not okay to say (in jest) that a woman should bring a man a beer then fuck off back to the kitchen and get the fucking roast in the oven. Want to know the funny part? Out of all the people I know – of both sexes – The only ones I have ever noticed using others for sex, were female! I'm not claiming that this is across the board, or even a common occurrence, but if it happens at all shouldn't women be subject to the same dehumanization that men have received for the members of our sex that behave that way?
Should there not be an internet group dedicated to promoting awareness of men who have been violated by members of the female population? I vote yes! At least until people start to get the fucking picture. We'll call it the Coalition For Female Sex Crime Awareness; or CFSCA. I know it's a terrible acronym but you know what? Fuck you, I'm trying to help out disadvantaged men who have had their lives ruined by the unforgivable crimes of the 'fairer sex'.
Now, for those people who will read this and decide that I'm just another 'chauvinist pig'. Do you realise that the concept of chauvinism actually applies to any person (not man – person) who discriminates against another on the basis of sex. This includes (but is not limited to) the women who at one point created a group on facebook with the title 'All men should be castrated'.
I believe in freedom of speech, so if you want to make a joke about men, that is fine by me. I make a lot of jokes about women so it's only fair. Shit, I was even thinking of joining the group for a laugh until I read the comments on the wall. These girls were serious! And notice that I used the term girl; that's a little thing I do, calling people the infantile version of their gender if they're as dumb as taking a shit on the gravitron. Mind you, I did get a few cheap laughs reading through this shit that they were posting. Cheap laughs because it really isn't right to laugh at people with obvious intellectual handicaps. If we put aside the fact that these girls were almost as crazy as a guy who would say... willingly defile his own appendage; How could you honestly think that cutting someone’s nuts off is going to somehow make them a better person? I know that these clowns are stuck in the notion that guys think with their dicks but this is going a little far.
And if guys do think with our dicks then the dick would be the male equivalent of a brain. Wilful destruction of another persons cognitive capacity? What do we call that nowadays..? Oh yeah! Murder! And planning to commit murder is also a crime. So at the very least, all the people involved with that former facebook group should be put on trial for conspiracy to commit murder right? After all, they didn't know at the time that men actually do have a physical brain in their heads. How were these girls to know that castration wouldn't kill guys or at least render them a vegetable?
To those D Students who were responsible for infecting our eyes with that loathsome tripe, I have nothing to say to you in my own words, so I'll give you a little quotation.
'Which one of you wants to come back to my place and cook me a nice meal and give me a blowjob?' - George Carlin
On the other hand, jokes aside I would like to say something to any guys who read this.
It's okay to make jokes about women being on a chain between the kitchen and bedroom but guess what? There's a real person who did that.
Joseph Fritzl. You know, the guy who knocked up his own daughter and kept her in the basement? Don't actually demean women. Especially your girlfriends/wives. Shit, if some girl is nice enough to let you put your penis inside her, Why the fuck would you be a prick to her? No pun intended.
Anyway, I have exhausted my intellectual capacity for today (after all it's only the size of my testicles) so I leave you to the eye-cancer you are no doubt receiving from your lovely flat-screen monitors.
Much love and adoration,
Mr Serial Killer